


Please Don't Leave Me

by SilentHurricane



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Malec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-23 18:55:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11408511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentHurricane/pseuds/SilentHurricane
Summary: "Alexander. I'm fine."He cupped Alec's neck and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.This wasn't the first time that Magnus tried to kiss Alec's worries away.Or did he kiss Alec to distract himself from his own suffering?He didn't know anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first english fanfiction (I'm from Germany) and I apologize in advance for any mistakes!  
> I'm still learning so please don't be too hard on me.  
> This is the first chapter so let me know what you think! It would mean a lot to me!!

"Alexander. I'm fine."  
He cupped Alec's neck and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. This wasn't the first time that Magnus tried to kiss Alec's worries away.  
Or did he kiss Alec to distract himself from his own suffering? He didn't know anymore. 

Alec didn't believe him.  
Magnus could kiss him all he wanted and put on his brightest smile but he saw right trough it. Because all it took Alec to figure out that something was wrong was a look into his boyfriend's eyes.  
And what he saw in those eyes terrified him.  
All that pain they gave away sent cold chills through Alec's body. He couldn't bare seeing Magnus suffer like this anymore. 

"Magnus, listen. I know something's wrong."  
He stopped for a second as Magnus' smile faded.  
"I don't want to pressure you to talk to me about it but i want to help you. I need to help you and..."

"You can't help me with this! No one can!"  
The harsh sound of his voice confused Alec at first but what he saw written all over Magnus' face wasn't anger, it was desperation. 

"Magnus." Alec made his voice sound as soft and caring as possible.  
"I have to at least try and I want you to know that you don't have to go through this alone. You have me." 

He took a step forward to take Magnus' hand but as soon as he tried to intertwine their fingers, his hand got pushed away.

"Don't you get it? You can't help me. No matter how hard you try."  
His voice grew louder with every sentence. 

"It may take you some time but you are going to realize that it's hopeless, that there is no way to help me. I'm a mess. I'll always feel like this and you will hate me for that!"

Alec just stood there, not being able to move.  
It broke his heart that Magnus was so convinced that Alec would hate him.  
His heart broke even more when he realized that Magnus thought there was no getting better for him.  
He was staring at the floor, considering what to say or do next. 

He would never give up on Magnus. In this moment it became more clear to him than ever before. 

A shattering sound filled the silence.

The sound of Magnus' tea cup falling to the floor.  
Alec immediately looked up.  
Magnus was shaking and tears were streaming down his face. 

"A-Alexan-der, I-I'm so-sorry." He fell on his knees, burying his face in his hands.  
Alec rushed over, knelt beside him and took him in his arms. Magnus started violently sobbing against Alec's chest.

"Shhh. It's okay." He wanted to comfort him, make him feel better but that only seemed to make Magnus cry more, so Alec just wrapped his arms tighter around him and held him for a while. 

After a few minutes his sobbing almost stopped.  
The front of Alec's shirt was soaking wet but he didn't care about that.  
He looked down at Magnus who had his eyes closed and tried to control his breathing.  
Alec noticed that Magnus also tried to stop his hands from shaking by clinging onto Alec's shirt.  
He loosened one arm and offered Magnus to take his hand while still holding him tight with the other arm.  
Magnus took it and Alec pressed their hands against his body. 

Several more minutes passed before Magnus had calmed down completely. 

"I'm so sorry." Magnus whispered. He sounded like he was about to burst into tears again at any moment. 

"Hey." Alec said softly. "It's okay. You don't have to apologize for anything."


	2. Can you hear me screaming "Please don't leave me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter. Don't worry it's not the last one! Please let me know what you think! This would mean the world to me!

They were laying on the couch for the rest of the day, not really doing anything.   
Alec didn't want to do anything that didn't involve being there for Magnus anyways.  
He called Izzy to let her know that he won't be able to be at the Institute that day.

Magnus still didn't feel ready to talk about anything and Alec accepted that but he did not leave his side for one second. 

The sun went down a few hours ago and Alec decided that they should probably sleep.   
Magnus was snuggled against Alec's side, eyes closed. 

"Hey we should go to bed." 

Alec whispered, stroked his thumb over Magnus' cheek and kissed him on the forehead. 

Magnus made an approving sound, got up and made his way to their bedroom. Alec turned off the lights and followed him.   
In bed he pulled Magnus as close to his body as it was possible.   
Magnus placed his head on Alec's chest and wrapped his arms around his waist to get even closer. 

"I love you." Alec gave Magnus another kiss on the forehead.  
"I love you too, Alexander."   
They fell asleep only a few minutes later. 

Alec was woken up by extremely loud sobbing coming from the bathroom.   
His eyes tore wide open. He sat up in bed and looked beside him. Magnus was gone.   
The next second realization hit him, he jumped up and ran to the bathroom. 

The door was locked.   
"Magnus? Magnus are you okay?"   
He didn't get an answer and the sobbing only got louder. "Magnus let me in! Please!" Alec's voice was filled with concern.   
Still no answer.  
"Magnus, I'm gonna break through if you don't open the door right now."   
Suddenly the sobbing stopped. He waited for Magnus to open the door but nothing happened. A moment later he could see blue sparks from underneath the door. Shock rushed through Alec's body. 

"Okay I'm coming in."   
Alec pushed his entire weight against the door.

Magnus was laying on the floor as he broke through. He wasn't moving.  
"No, no, no, no, no!"  
Alec threw himself next to him, pulling him in his lap.  
His hand rushed to Magnus' neck to feel his pulse. 

Nothing.

"Oh god." His voice broke.   
Alec pressed Magnus' limp body against his shaking one.   
"Oh god no. Magnus no." Tears were streaming down his face.   
They fell into Magnus' hair.   
"Don't do this. I'm begging you."  
Alec's heart was pounding hard in his chest.  
"Magnus? Magnus, please. I'll make it better. I promise. We can do this together. Just don't go."  
He was rocking back and forth, holding on tight to Magnus.

"Please don't leave me!"


	3. I'm not gonna leave you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter! I hope you liked my first fanfiction! Let me know what you think in the comments!

"Alec! Alexander wake up!"   
Magnus was desperately trying to wake Alec for about 5 minutes now.   
Alec was rolling around in bed, crying and screaming in his sleep.  
Magnus was sat beside him and tried grabbing his shoulders to shake him but that didn't work because Alec was rolling around too much.   
So he wrapped his arms around Alec's body to hold him still. 

He pulled him up so he was leaning against Magnus' chest when he finally woke up. 

"Alexander?" He was looking at Magnus in shock, breathing heavily.   
"Magnus!" Alec sat up properly and threw his arms around his boyfriend.   
"Oh god, you're okay. You're okay." Tears filled his eyes again.   
"I love you. Magnus I love you so much."

Alec let go so he could look at Magnus, whose eyebrows drew together in confusion. 

"Alexander what's going on? Did you have a bad dream?"   
His voice sounded soft and concerned as he wiped away some of the tears that were rolling down Alec's face. 

"I-I thought you-I thought you-" 

He had to take a break to control his shaking voice.   
"I thought you died but-but I was dreaming. It was just a dream. Magnus you're okay. You're here."   
More tears came as he was babbling in relief. 

"Oh Alexander." Magnus pulled him into another tight hug and buried one of his hands in Alec's hair, stroking it softly.   
"It's okay. I'm here." Alec still hasn't stopped crying. 

"Please-please don't leave me." Alec begged.  
"Alexander, I'm not gonna leave you." He assured as he was gently rubbing Alec's back. 

They were just sitting there for a while. Holding each other. Being there for each other.   
It was that night that Magnus realized he had to find a way to get better. And he was willing to do everything in his power to achieve that. For him. For Alec.


End file.
